When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
