Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Text me some of your sweat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
