Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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