Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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