Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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