Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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