omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
