How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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