I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
