i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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