I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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