don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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