Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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