The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize