Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
