I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
