this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
