"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize