my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I puked a lego.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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