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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.

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• (852): View more from

  He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher

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• (516): View more from New York

  He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me

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