I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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