Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
