I skipped work to stalk him.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
