If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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