Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
