Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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