you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
