Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize