Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
