Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
