so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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