My friends, they love my intelligence
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
