a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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