We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
