Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
