Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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