He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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