Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
