Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
