THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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