Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
