im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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