Nicole vs. Life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize