There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
