Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
