if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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