i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
