lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
