How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
