i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
