Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry about my life...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
