We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
