Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
