the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize