I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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