Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
