I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
