He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
