pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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