i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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