The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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