I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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