The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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