brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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