uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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