fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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