I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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