I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
