On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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