I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
