Where is the hickey?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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