if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
