I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
