i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
