im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize