You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
