He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize