He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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