Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
