So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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