I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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