So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just found puke in my bra..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
