Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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