how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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