I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
