i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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