The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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