I'm laying in your front yard are you home
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
