We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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