I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize