You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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