So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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