If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
