I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
