guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
