i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize