How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize