Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
