I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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