what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
