pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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