so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize