Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
