I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
