our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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