i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
