He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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