we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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